The drama never ends...

Well...drama being what it is, it could not possibly be enough for my neighbors' daughter to get beaten up at the bus stop...there had to be a knife incident the next week. In my world of finely minced metaphors, if bad news travels in threes, we're just waiting for that third shoe to drop.

This second incident, surprisingly enough, did not involve the middle school kids. No, this one involved the elementary school. The family at the end of the block is obviously in some kind of crisis because this incident was caused by the younger brother of the bully of last week.

Let me set the scene:

It's Tuesday morning, and two boys get into a scuffle at the bus stop. Nothing serious, just a little arguing and pushing...not unusual for children in the 8-10-yr old range. The unusual part is that the younger (or at least the one in the lower grade) child is the one to get physical. Well, Wednesday morning, said younger child comes out of his house and tells the other child, "I'm not done with you!" They argue some more, loud voices much pushing and shoving. The kids scuffle...yes a little fisticuffs...but that's not the bad part. The younger boy (bully's little brother) goes back into his house and returns a short time later with a large kitchen knife. He yells, "I'm going to kill you!" as the bus driver tries to hurry the little ones onto the bus and shut the door. Hubby gets out of his car, where he has been monitoring activity at the bus stop all year. He yells at the child to stop him, and the child rushes back into his house. Hubby pounds on the door to inform the child's parents of what has happened, but no one comes to the door. Eventually, a woman shouts from the master bedroom window, "What do you want?"
Hubby replies, "Your son just came out to the bus stop with a knife and threatened to kill another kid."
Her only response, "Oh my God!" Then...nothing...she didn't even come outside.
Hubby called the police. The bus driver notified the school via radio. The sherrif's department took statements from the adults. The school principal took statements from the kids. We'll see what happens next...but said child is still attending school and still riding the bus...
The neighborhood has decided to have a community meeting tonight to discuss what we can do, but I will not be able to be there as the kids have a choir concert at school at the same time. Hubby will go to the meeting while I go to the school...oh how I sometimes wish there were two of me...or that I could at least divide myself in half and get twice as much done...

As for this family...there is obviously more going on there than meets the eye. The kids' father is two states away, at a military base, and the kids lived with him until Thanksgiving. The woman's husband is in Korea on a remote assignment unaccompanied by his family for a year. And there is another man living in the house with the mother...openly...I suspect those kids are being abused...or have been abused in the past...otherwise why would they exhibit such violent behavior so young in life...one is an aberration...both of them is a pattern. According to another neighbor who is the parent of one of my older son's friends, the children were taken away from the mother once, and Thanksgiving was when she finally got them back...the more I learn, the more I actually feel sorry for those kids...yes, they have the choice of how to behave, but what example have they had? And what has happened to them that they were taken from their mother...and why are they now returned...it's tragic really...it almost seems they were cut down before they even had a chance.

Kids will be kids?

This week has been a rough one for our neighborhood. My husband and I (along with several neighbors and (for the time being anyway) the police) have begun babysitting the kids' bus stop in the mornings. There have been, all along, parents (hubby included) waiting with their little ones for the bus to the elementary school, but now I'm talking about the middle school kids...apparently they need to be closely watched at the bus stop too. Not for the same reasons, but it has the same net effect. The little ones, in general, need someone there to keep them from getting too rowdy or playing in the street or on someone's lawn...the older ones...well, let's just say they need someone to keep them in line.

Early this week an incident occurred at the bus stop that made me stop and wonder "WTF, over!" My eldest, at 15 (he was held back in 6th grade and has a late birthday, so he is still in middle school), was waiting for his bus...his sister was there as were all the other students from our neighborhood. Well, apparently my son had one of his feet over the property line that divides the bus stop from someone's yard. The child who lives in that house came outside screaming at him to get off her property. (First off, it's not your property...it's your parents' property, you little punk...second off, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.) Had she simply said, "Hey, did you know you're standing on private property?" (or something similar) this whole mess could have been avoided. But apparently that's not the way she's been raised...first come out swinging; screw diplomacy. (I doubt she would know the meaning of the word.) Anyway, my son ignored her...he claims he didn't realize she was talking to him in the first place, because he was not aware that his foot had crossed the line...then my 11-yr old daughter steps in to confront the child (who by all accounts outweighs my girl by a good 40 lbs)...followed by my neighbor's girl stepping in between the two, presumable to separate them to avoid a fight...well, a good deed never goes unpunished, so the neighbor girl (who is not much larger than my girl) proceeds to get her ass kicked. Apparently, the juvenile delinquent whose residence was violated, pick up said girl and threw her to the ground at least twice and landed several punches to her face before the bus arrived (late!). My girl tried to tell the bus driver what had happened, and all he said was, and I quote, "What's goes on at the bus stop stays at the bus stop." Then basically, he tells the children to sit down and shut up...

No one...I repeat, No one contacted the injured child's parents until almost 12:30 in the afternoon, when a caring teacher finally called Mom. Said teacher was seething over the fact that none of her teachers from earlier in the day bothered to even ask what had happened. My neighbor was furious with the school for not contacting her and with the bus driver for being so uncaring...she called the police and pressed charges against the delinquent. Since then, a trooper has been at the bus stop each morning to see to the children's safety.

My take-aways:

1. My children are not safe as long as that hooligan is allowed to continue to ride the bus

2. The bus driver should be fired (This is not the only complaint that has been filed against him, but that is another topic for another time.)

3. The school should be sued for doing nothing...why does it take 5 hours for someone to notice the bruises all over the child's face and arms? Aren't they required by law to report any evidence of any type of abuse? (usually that is from a parent, but the concept here is the same)

4. The delinquent's family should be sued for all medical costs relating to the assault (injured party has braces that will have to be fixed, not to mention physical and emotional pain and suffering.)

5. I hate this state...one child was overheard saying, "Well that's what you get for picking on a black kid." Since when is it ok to beat someone up because they are a different race? That is racism...not reverse racism, but real, live, actual racism...the system certainly wouldn't tolerate someone saying "Well, what can you expect from a black kid?" (And no, I don't happen to believe that statement...it was an example to show the hypocrisy of the previous statement. I would be equally offended by either statement.

Well, I think I've vented enough for one post...if anyone is reading this...what do you think? Am I overreacting to 'normal' teen behavior? Am I being an over-protective parent?

Out of the mouths of babes...

So my Little Man, 6 years old going on 30, wanders into the master bedroom while hubby is ironing some shirts...while hubby does housework, he watches CMT because it's entertaining but not too distracting...so Little Man walks in to have his homework signed and says (have you seen the video for 'Brand New Girlfriend' yet? No? Well then you might not get this), "Daddy, his new girlfriend looks like a giant Barbie!"

Same child only weeks prior when confronted about eating only the marshmallows out of his Lucky Charms, "I try not to pick out just the marshmallows, but they're just so good! I can't help it."

When asked what it's called when someone has difficulty digesting vitamin D, "Lactose untolerance" (I wonder if the child even knows what intolerance is)

He makes me laugh every single day.

On marriage...

My husband and I are in therapy...marriage therapy...it doesn't embarass me in any way; in fact, I'm proud that we are...at least we didn't just quit. It had come to a point early this year that I was ready to walk out. He simply would not listen to me when I told him that I was unhappy with our marriage. It really all boils down to respect. You see I'm the primary bread-winner in our home, which has at times been difficult for him. I understand that...our culture does not easily accept a man as primary caregiver...and without income. But, in our home, that is the way it has to be...I don't just have a job...I have a career. He has about 15 credit hrs of college. I can retire in about 8 years, and we will receive my retirement check every month after that...forever. Money isn't everything, but it sure is hard to make the mortgage without it.

But he was working in the fast food industry (management...but still the pay isn't that great)...then he got laid off. Things went downhill from there until I got my commission. (Now, he can stay home with the kids because we can afford it. And I've finally convinced him that it's ok for him to go back to school...we have the resources now.)

Anyway, I was working full time; he was working full time; and we were raising 3 kids. The stress was enormous, and our family hardly ever spent any time together. It ended up that I was doing all the housework except the yard. (He knows that if it is my responsibility to get the lawn mowed, the neighbor's teenager is going to make about $25.) I was resentful because I would ask him to pitch in, but he refused. He thought that his job (on his feet) was so much more taxing than mine (desk job) that he shouldn't have to contribute to the housework...and that view didn't change much after he got laid off. (I firmly believe that was due more to depression than anything else, but that wasn't how I felt at the time.) I felt like he thought that what I was doing wasn't valuable, and that I was overpaid (because he resented that I made more money than him). But I couldn't make him listen...until I decided to leave...

It was one of the most painful decisions of my life...so I agreed to try therapy with him. And glad that I did...we are so much healthier now. Our marriage isn't perfect, and I'm still angry (wish I could shut that off)...I'm angry that it took me leaving to get him to 'give a damn'...but at least now, he does give a damn. He's been treated for his depression, and he's started back to school...and doing quite well at that. I like our marriage now...I like our relationship...and I like our family...but I'm still afraid...afraid it will go back to the way it was...afraid that if it does I won't have the courage to stop it...afraid that if I try but fail, I may live the rest of my life alone...I hate being afraid...

TGIF

It's Friday once again...thank goodness. This week has been one of those weeks. While I've gotten a lot done and had a satisfying week, I'm also exhausted. Going out to dance tonight with hubby is a must, but lord I'm tired. Friday night dancing really recharges my battery. I will once again be able to face the masses and smile.

I moved into my own office today...an honest to goodness office. I don't have to squeeze into a cubicle no bigger than my half-bath at home...well, for the next few months anyway. When my boss gets back, I'm pretty sure he'll want his office back. I'm thinking of decorating in pink, so he won't want it when he comes home...but then I'd be nauseated...

Well, the inspiration just isn't striking me today...maybe I'll be more in tuned with my need to write after a great night on the dance floor...good night blogosphere.

I live for Fridays...

Friday night is date night...the kids are home to play video games or read or do homework or whatever, as long as they don't burn the house down. We get to go out and act like adults. We take dance lessons every Friday evening, then we stay and dance and have a couple drinks and enjoy the company of other adults for a few hours. I don't know what I would do without date night...probably loose what's left of my mind.

I'm unhappy...not now...just in a general sense. It may be because I am unhappy with myself and some of the decisions I've made, or it may be that I am unhappy with my circumstances. Fridays I'm not unhappy...I enjoy being alive...I don't know what I would do without Friday.